Thursday, January 10, 2013

It's tough but mama made it!!! First travel after CCHS.

It was so hard leaving you and your brothers behind but.... life must go on.  We are not going to let CCHS stop us from doing what we originally plan in life.  Yes... those of you who constantly love to judge people, judge me, go ahead.  You must be wondering, how on earth a mother can leave her kids behind traveling for work?  I am sorry but that's the nature of my job, if I want a better life for my kids, if I need food to be place on the table, if I need a roof over my kid's head, this is what I've got to do! You don't have to tell me what to do for my family, you don't know what is best, maybe you think that it's better of this or that way, but please... this is my family, this is my sons, this is my life, so, before you think of judging me or telling me what to do, please remember that!

Look at you, mama is so proud of you...  you are sitting by yourself and thanks to Miss Launa, she's teaching you how to catch up to kids your age.  You are such a strong boy, please don't ever get mama wrong whenever mama feel sad thinking that you are not a normal baby :(  It just hurts so badly, thinking that you could be a perfectly healthy baby.  I know you are trying really hard, I worry, I seriously worry that you maybe slower in everything including school, it's sad.  People keep telling me, worry when you cross that bridge, it's hard... again, this is not you, not your baby, not your family, it's so easy to say such thing.

I hate going to normal facebook, because that's not normal for me.  People are having kids, having perfectly healthy babies, their sibblings get to take pics with their newborn without tubes hanging everywhere.  Instead, I find myself going to closed facebook group, places where I now belong, where we belong.  I feel that a lot of times, Facebook is just a show off, people are showing off what they bought for their daughter, people showing off their healthy kid walking.  Yes, that's pure jealousy, I admit it.  I guess today is just not my day.

Though, mama is coming home... mama hasn't been lucky at all, so, my first flight back is delayed, 4 hours delayed.  It's ok, mama will come home, mama misses you and is watching you over the ADT app.  I love you sweet baby!

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