Thursday, April 17, 2014

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do....

I left grandpa that day with a heavy heart.... though, I am so happy that you were also able to see your great grandfather.  Things that the doctors told you that you were not able to do were done...

I took off and headed back home alone.  I saw grandpa... he does not look like the grandpa that I left 3-4 months ago.  He lost 30-40 lbs within this 3-4 months.  He was diagnosed with TB, Lungs and Liver Cancer stage 4.  He barely could walk much, all he does is sleep all day long.

It's really sad.... I kissed grandpa many many times when I left that day.  I knew that it was the last time that I would ever see him in our lifetime.  I took off crying... wondering why life is so cruel... why do we have to know each other and love each other and yet, we have to say Good bye.  But I am also very happy and grateful that I got this chance, to see him for the last time before anything happens.  I asked myself, is it good that I had this chance or for some people, they don't even have the chance to say goodbye as their loved ones left suddenly.

Why is life being so scary?  Why???

Grandpa thank me, he said, he is very grateful that I came all the way to see him, to take care of him.  He told me that I'm his best grandkid of all, I take good care of him, I buy him lots of stuff, I give him lots of money.  I feel that since I am not there to take care of him, that's all I can give him.  I also thank him for being such a wonderful grandpa.  He loves me so much, growing up, he does everything for me.  He wouldn't even let me take my plate to the sink, he would do everything for me.  He built the BEST patio ever for me... made my house so pretty.

Grandpa, you just don't know that you are the smartest grandpa that I've known... you know so much, from cars to machines to building stuff.  You may not have the opportunity to get a degree but to me, you are smarter than all the other engineers out there.  You were very very sad.... I've never seen you cry... you were such a strong man but when I left that day, you broke down and you cried.... we both cried because it is so hard to know that this is our last time seeing each other.  

I'm very sad... but I will always remember all the beautiful moments we have cherished together.  I love you grandpa.... I will always remember you.....

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