My dearest baby boy, you turn 2 months today. Just with a blink of an eye, you are 2 months old. Though, it is just sad that you have not got to come home yet. It is sad that I am still trying to sink in the idea of you having the trach. Yes, mama got here late tonight because mama told you that mama has to work as it is month end. When I got here, I was excited to hear that your gas is good. It was 39. You cannot imagine what I was thinking when I heard that your CO2 was 99 early this morning.
When I got here, you open your cute little eyes and you looked at me. I told you, mama is here and you just close your eyes. It just breaks my heart to see you lying there helpless, it's because they needed you to be still and not move so that the trach can heal. Dada is on the way back, he said he wants to come see you before we go home. I am glad that dada will be home for a week, at least it will be easier on mama as I have someone to go through this time with.
Before I got here, I took a shower and was listening to Joel Osteen again. It's about "The Power of Letting Go". It says that we should not let disappointment make us upset. It's true, when I thought of it, I really was extremely upset to find out that you have CCHS. You will have this for the rest of your life, it's not something where you will grow out of. Thank goodness I let it go fast enough, I have accepted the fact that you have this and I have to wake up. That's how I found Shelley and honestly, I cannot believe how great God is. She is always texting me at the right time, when I have questions but feel bad to constantly bug her but she would know the times where I needed someone to talk to, to ask question about your CCHS. Little Laynson boy, you have to thank God for sending you such a sweet angel, without her, I think I would still be crying and not accepting the fact that you have this.
Unfortunately, we won't have a 2 month pic with the shirt your brothers wore. It's ok, you are special... but bare in mind, you are NOT a special need child, you are special because you are YOU!!!! You made me realize how important life is and how much I need us to be together as a family.
I just saw pics of Sarah Yang on facebook, saw pics of her little girl with the ventilator on the beach. It makes me excited knowing that someday, we'll be able to do that too with your brothers. I cannot wait for you to be playing and running around with them. I am so glad to be on the CCHS facebook page because each day I see pics of these kids growing and knowing that someday, it will be my turn to post pics of you as well.
I was told that as of today, we think that you are the youngest person with CCHS. Yes, I never know how lucky I am till now. Little Laynson, you will have to remember that dada and I will walk you through everything, you don't have to worry. We promise you that you will not get anything less than your brothers, we will give you everything we can afford to make sure that you have a perfect and normal life.
I love you sweet baby boy!
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