We made it to NEW YORK... like the song... if we can make it in NEW YORK, we can make it ANYWHERE!

A year ago, on 6/22/2012, I was told that Laynson has CCHS, on 6/23/2012, we talked to our Pulm and it sounded like as if we will have a tough life ahead, as if it will be difficult leaving Dallas, TX where we live. I am so proud of Laynson, he is so strong and fights for everything, a year late, we are at NYC. This picture means a lot to me and Laynson. I want to show and tell him that I am so proud of him, and that this picture was taken with the statue of Liberty with us, telling him like the meaning of the statue, freedom.... 

Even though we have CCHS, that doesn't mean that we are stuck, we are free to do whatever we want as long as we have determination. We also managed to see one of the wonder of the world, Niagara Falls. Yesterday was exactly a year we had the trach, also the first time I met an angel Shelley . I want to thank all of my CCHS family for always being there for us, answering my questions and suggesting stuff to help Laynson. Without you guys, I wouldn't be able to take a picture, I cried inside as I was laughing with joy, it's like the song, IF I can make it in NY, I can make it anywhere is how I felt, my favorite Frank Sinatra song.

I survived being gone for 2 days after CCHS!

Thank you God for allowing me to successfully survive 2 days being gone from CCHS!  Yes, I was very anxious, nervous because I have never left you since the day you conceived.  Though, the original plan was, after you are out, mama would travel for work again 6 weeks later.  Of course, life is never as planned, I wish it is, then, things would be more expected and not as scary.  Who knows that 8.5 months is when mama finally got to go back to work.

I know, again like I say, those who wants to judge me, please go ahead and judge me.  Please talk behind my back, saying that I am a bad mom who leaves my kid alone, especially when my baby is a special need baby.  It's so easy talking behind my back.... but it's ok.  Please go on but for me, I am so happy. 

I still remember, 7.5 months ago, after knowing that you have CCHS, Dr Gelfand told me, Malaysia's got to come to me and that it sounded like, if I am lucky, I get to go out of Frisco, at most to Dallas.  It is definitely heart breaking.  It sounds like you will never see your grandfather, you will never have a life!!!  Though, you know mama since you were in mama's tummy, mama stayed strong even though mama gone through a lot when you were in mama's tummy.  Mama traveled for work till mama was 35 weeks, mama was on the plane with your 2 brothers, headed to see your dada at 36 weeks and we came back at close to 37 weeks.  Yes, agree that after being in the NICU, it was a crazy idea but mama wanted to show you that we are both strong people.  We are fighters.... we don't just say we cannot do it and let go.  

Mama want to tell you that, unfortunately, we have CCHS, we will let CCHS delay us but we will NOT let CCHS STOP US from doing whatever we both want!

Ok, mama admit, throughout the day at work, mama was busy watching you on the phone or internet, making sure that you are ok.  Mama saw Miss Cassandra playing with you, Miss Yemi giving you hugs and kisses at night.  Mama feel happy that we have loving nurses like them, so that mama can work peacefully.

Mama didn't get home till 9.30pm, flight was cancelled and had to fight to get a spot on the last flight out.  That use to be mama's past life that mama is reliving, even though Dean and Denny was frustrated but for me, I was enjoying it.... I did not complain one bit, I appreciated it instead :)

Allen allowed mama to go back to work every other week.  That doesn't mean that mama don't love you, in order to have a better life for everyone at home (including you especially), mama will work harder and hopefully will succeed in mama's career as well as business.  I love you sweet Shen Shen, BB and DD!

It's tough but mama made it!!! First travel after CCHS.

It was so hard leaving you and your brothers behind but.... life must go on.  We are not going to let CCHS stop us from doing what we originally plan in life.  Yes... those of you who constantly love to judge people, judge me, go ahead.  You must be wondering, how on earth a mother can leave her kids behind traveling for work?  I am sorry but that's the nature of my job, if I want a better life for my kids, if I need food to be place on the table, if I need a roof over my kid's head, this is what I've got to do! You don't have to tell me what to do for my family, you don't know what is best, maybe you think that it's better of this or that way, but please... this is my family, this is my sons, this is my life, so, before you think of judging me or telling me what to do, please remember that!

Look at you, mama is so proud of you...  you are sitting by yourself and thanks to Miss Launa, she's teaching you how to catch up to kids your age.  You are such a strong boy, please don't ever get mama wrong whenever mama feel sad thinking that you are not a normal baby :(  It just hurts so badly, thinking that you could be a perfectly healthy baby.  I know you are trying really hard, I worry, I seriously worry that you maybe slower in everything including school, it's sad.  People keep telling me, worry when you cross that bridge, it's hard... again, this is not you, not your baby, not your family, it's so easy to say such thing.

I hate going to normal facebook, because that's not normal for me.  People are having kids, having perfectly healthy babies, their sibblings get to take pics with their newborn without tubes hanging everywhere.  Instead, I find myself going to closed facebook group, places where I now belong, where we belong.  I feel that a lot of times, Facebook is just a show off, people are showing off what they bought for their daughter, people showing off their healthy kid walking.  Yes, that's pure jealousy, I admit it.  I guess today is just not my day.

Though, mama is coming home... mama hasn't been lucky at all, so, my first flight back is delayed, 4 hours delayed.  It's ok, mama will come home, mama misses you and is watching you over the ADT app.  I love you sweet baby!